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Good to Know: Why Mr. Nice Guy Isn’t Sexy

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attractive, relationship, friendship, nice guy, friend zone, friendzoneSome men know the problem very well. They are nice guys and that’s, weird enough, not a good thing. However hard they try to attract a girl’s attention, they always end up in the friend zone. Why? It’s probably their never ending smile.

In the many internet discussions about ‘friendzoning’ a few explanations keep turning up. One important problem with Mr. Nice Guy seems to be his lack of personality. If he always just acts nice, there’s not much left to fall for.

What the nice guy also seems to lack is decisiveness. He acts nice and builds up a friendship, but secretly has another agenda: to get the girl into his bed. That’s not a steady plan. As Quora member Gwen Sawchuk puts it: don’t try to sneak around the back door. Be a man and give it your best shot.

But do girls really want to end up with a bad boy? No, agrees almost everyone.
Just look at popular movieplots, like Grease, says Quora member and  marketeer Jonathan Brill. Danny starts as a cocky macho and ends up as someone  that could become a responsible husband.

And when exactly do the girls want this personality change? Not too fast, warns Wiki-answers: ‘A girl wants a guy to show his emotions, but she definitely wants to work for it.’

And the worst emotion you can show when meeting a girl is, be prepared: happiness. Two researchers of the University of British Columbia found out that women, other than men, actually find members of the opposite sex less attractive when they smile than when they look proud or even ashamed.

Source: Wiki answers, Quora, DailyMail
Photo: meidenblog

Tracy, J., & Beall, A. (2011). Happy guys finish last: The impact of emotion expressions on sexual attraction. Emotion, 11 (6), 1379-1387 DOI: 10.1037/a0022902

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  • Gavin Martin

    I can agree this is probably why a nice guy has problems finding a relationship but, I don’t agree with everything you have stated in your hypothesis. When a nice guy tries to stay happy and cheerful, for example complementing their female date or crush, just about any means of being positive may just be a social norm they live to follow. The constant rejection of nice guys by stereotyping that they have a “secret agenda” causes a social influence on men, and causing their social cognition to slowly change as the rejections continue to happen eventually causing the “Nice Guy” to become a natural or uncomfortable asshole. It is stated in the social cognitive theory from Albert Bandura’s theory of personality that through observing and experiencing the consequences that follows peoples actions, there is rules and standards created or followed which, leads to the self regulation of a persons behaviors and cognitive thinking; this i believe supports why men go through cognitive changes and go from the great guy they where, to a complete cocky tool who cares about no women; altering their personality.

    • Katja Keuchenius

      @GavinMartin: Thanks for your additional comment. Let’s hope the nice guys aren’t influenced too much in the way Bandura describes. The world is better off with them than with cocky tools of course.